Saturday, 5 January 2013

The one where I am a bit braver

I thought about doing a proper New Years Resolutions post. You know the list where I pinpoint all the things I hope to do this year. That list is actually on my iPhone somewhere. And it's not such a bad list. But it's nothing new. It's the same things I vow at least every January and September (I still get that new school year feeling) and maybe sometimes I achieve part of those lists, which is great. But it's not enough.

So I got to thinking about what stops me, but it didn't really take much. I've always known it is fear.
Take this blog for example. started over 3 years ago because of a desire to write and therefore obviously be read. But it is that which instills the greatest fear in me. What if no one reads? What if they do? What if someone who knows me in real life reads it? What if no one likes what I write? What if they do?! I know that I am not alone in feeling this way as a writer but it is bloody terrifying!

My biggest ambition has always been to write a novel. It is the only thing I have ever really wanted to do. But I am stopped by fear, the fear of failure. and if I fail at the only thing I've ever really wanted to do, well, what then?! Well, it's time to find out. Because at least then I'll know. If I'm any good then amazing. my dreams will have come true and ill have the agents form an orderly queue ;) If I'm not then at least I'll know. I can stop fantasising and move on. At least I won't have the regret of having never even tried.

So there we have it, my New Years resolution for 2013. Be braver. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Then maybe, just maybe, the other things on the list will take care of themselves...

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