Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Working Mum’s Guilt

I thought I had come to terms with going back to work, in fact I thought I almost relished the time I got to myself (although I felt guilty about this). But today, four months in, it feels really tough. Maybe it’s tiredness, or hormones. Probably it is both. I miss my baby. I found it hard letting go of being the centre of her world, knowing everywhere she went, every little thing she ate, every new thing she did.

Maybe I’m feeling it again now because she seems to be changing so quickly these past couple of weeks. She’s mastered toddling. She’s saying new words all the time. She’s becoming very opinionated about what she does or doesn’t want!

Maybe it because she’s not sleeping so well (and therefore neither are we). Is this because her routine gets disturbed with the long working days? Is it because she misses us in the day so wants to be with us at night? I feel guilty for feeling angry with her when she won’t sleep because I’m stressed about the day at the office ahead. She still wakes up smiling and is excited to arrive at her grandparents. I am tired and sad to leave her.

I feel guilty feeling this way when I only work two and a half days a week while hubby works over fifty hours. I know he misses her too, is tired too, even feels guilty too. And we miss each other. I wish we could win the lottery so we could all stay at home together. I suppose I’d best go do it...

2 comments:

  1. I think guilt is written into the fine print when you become a mom!

    Having been a WM and now a SAHM I can assure you; there is guilt in every scenario.

    All that matters is that what you are doing now is ultimately benefiting your little princess and in the long run you will see the benefits.

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  2. Thank you, you are right. Things always seem worse when suffering from sleep deprivation and I'm not one to usually let them get to me,but I suppose we all have our off days and I felt instantly better for writing it down! :)

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